March 30th

I am at home with my parents for spring break.

I don't really know how I'm supposed to live with my vision like this for three more months.  I feel like getting through the night is a tremendous burden.  I don't know exactly how to communicate the degree of my frustration.  I feel like I cannot do anything at all except wait and hope.  It is my final semester in school and I am falling far, far behind because I am unable to function.  I am crippled by depression.  I don't feel like anything is worth doing in this state.

I am frustrated because when I try to find information about my vision, all I find is horror stories.  Because all I can find is horror stories, websites that seem to be focused on scaring people away from the surgery, I get a lot of information about people who had a similar issue and for whom the situation was unable to be corrected.

If this can't be corrected, why wasn't I informed in advance that my pupils would dilate beyond the range of the treated area and cause problems?  They did dilate my pupils ... why wouldn't they have checked their size then?  My pupils dilate pretty big, and I can't see why they wouldn't have expressed that this was a larger risk ... but instead they told me I was a perfect candidate.  What's more, it seems to be the case that in standard indoor conditions -- that is, the same conditions in their office, without any eye-dilating drops -- I still encounter this problem.  What the fuck.


I don't even know what to do.  If this can't be corrected, treated, I see no way for my life to become worthwhile.

I talked to my parents today about withdrawing from school for the semester on medical grounds.